Introduction
The joy of addiction as an escape from self. I have suffered most of my life from addictive behaviors used as an escape from who I really was. Diagnosed with bipolar type one at the age of 42. I had my first psychotic break, induced by Ativan. I was then committed to a mental hospital for close to 9 days with a case of full blown mania. Through out my life, I have battled addictive behaviors to include, running, skydiving, swimming and addictive substances to include alcohol, food, tobacco and marijuana. Self- medication positively and negatively reinforced habit which changed my brain. Self-medicating was an escape from depressed moods or an attempt to control mood swings. Now I take aripiprazole, generic for abilify, it curtails the manic episodes by blocking certain dopamine receptor sites. I can tell you full-blown mania is scary after you have experienced, psychosis, blackouts and sleepless nights. It also feels good, beyond joy, happiness and passion. Soon I would learn how to induce mania with extreme behaviors and addiction. I most likely have been doing this unconsciously most of my life.
Just recently I have discovered a new life of balance, after years if taking aripiprazole, and moderate exercise. I guess what I am trying to explain here, is that our brain chemistry can set use up for addiction. This can be behavioral or substance induced. In today's society of instant gratification we can become imbalanced or even hard-wired in habitual responses. The following blog entries will go on to explain short cuts and the journey of finding balance in life to fight addictions. Addiction is the opposite of balance and we seek out addiction to escape uncomfortable feelings. Mostly this blog is designed to help those with addictive mindsets by sharing my ideas on recovery from biochemical imbalances that are either diagnosed of self-induced.
Mike, do your doctor and therapist know that you drink beer and wine despite your history of addiction, and current use of psychiatric medications for Bipolar 1 Disorder?
ReplyDeleteHi Rand, my psychiatrist is aware of my moderate use of beer and wine while on meds.
ReplyDeleteShame on her/him for malpractice. Shame on you for spreading the misinformation that harm reduction (or use in moderation) is safe. You’re playing with peoples’ lives, Mike.
DeleteA real friend would have called or private messaged instead of shaming publicly. A little self control goes along way. I can’t wait to review your book Rand.
DeleteWow dude, reel it in; maybe try a little balance in your life.
DeleteThis is actually Maggie. I agree with Rand. One of my first psychiatrists in Montrose told me it was ok to have one or two glasses of wine while on psyche meds. My drinking got out of control and triggered a horrible mania that persisted for most of 2008. I struggled with the idea that I shouldn't drink again, but stopped. It was easier than I thought it would be. The mania scared the hell out of me. Second, we were glad we could help Julie get a response from Dr. Campbell of the MHC to intervene with the docs at the mental facility on your behalf to make sure he agreed with your med plan. It was also good to see you there in person after the psychotic episode had faded. Remember that time and stop drinking or using other addictive substances.
ReplyDeleteMaggie again. Just to reinforce - Julie was terrified. The only reason I was able to put Dr. Campbell in touch with her was to pull personal strings with Elizabeth at the MHC and explain it was you who was in trouble. Vince and my mom (who was visiting) dropped everything at Xmas time and loaded up our car and drove to the Front Range to help her. By this time, the facility had forbidden Julie to see you. I think it helped her to see us. I nearly ruined things with my WHOLE family with my mania. I still look back and feel the pain to this day - 12 years later. They have forgiven me but I have not forgiven myself. Please think of your family and take control of yourself.
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DeleteMaggie again. I don't think of this a public shaming. Mike wrote a very personal story so I believe my replies are honest and understanding. I hope Mike continues on this journey. It's life or death for some of us.
ReplyDeleteI am talking about my situation and in no way endorsing harm reduction for someone else. This is a choice for me and is working. The blog will go on to explain addiction and then finding balance in life.
ReplyDeleteMaggie: Look forward to it. I will help me, too, though for now, my troubles are behind me.
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